Corporate Slaves and Vampires

The corporate world may be glamorous from a distance. BUT practically everyone here is a corporate slave (CS) no matter how elegant they look.

It is necessary that any CS knows the 2 GOLDEN RULES (GRs) and what they mean (by heart) when stepping into the grounds of the corporate world:

GR 1 : A CS must report to the office everyday on time.

Meaning: If the official office hours are 8 am to 5 pm,
1.1 A CS should be in the office on or before 8 am, but
1.2 A CS does NOT necessarily go out of the office at 5 pm.

To carry out GR 1.2 is referred to as overtime which may take hours. However, it is still expected that GR 1.1 is executed properly the following day.

GR 2 : A CS must honor work-time and break-time.

Meaning: A CS must always look preoccupied, i.e.
2.1 A CS should master the “kunot-noo” projection especially when in front of the PC during work-time ; and
2.2. Assigned break-time must be strictly followed.

A CS may violate GR 2.2 ONLY when one opts NOT to take lunch breaks and other break-times. Otherwise, GR 2.2 holds at all times.

Mastering these GRs are easy for most CS. After some time, a CS finds a niche in this world, excels in a particular field, gets elevated into the elite class of CS, and earns a new title such as:

i. Manager – an experienced CS for several years and now, either hires, manages, and/or trains new CS to develop their skills;
ii. Director – a skilled manager for several years and now, leads managers on how to effectively lead new CS in developing their skills; and/or
iii. Assist. Vice President /President/CEO - exceptional director(s) for a number years, and now, among the esteemed members of the upper echelon elite CS.

Note that those who are fresh from the training grounds called universities with exemplary performances and are referred to as the Laudes, may easily join this elite class of CS. Ditto for those who come from a generation of CS who built a firm from scratch.

Nevertheless, very few CS maintain their true persona once inside the corporate world. Through time, some CS may transform into a Corporate Vampire (CoV). CoVs thrive for recognition above anyone else, especially the ones who pose as threat to them to become an elite/upper echelon elite CS.

To date, CoVs are everywhere looking just like an ordinary or elite CS. A number of them are witty, alluring and highly skilled. After all, it is not easy to master the “art” of being a CoV. They creep into your CS life and spread negative energies around you in various ways until they suck your emotional/mental energy and worse, your sanity level.

The most common types of C0Vs are:

1. Seer Vampire (SV)

This is the friendly type of corporate vampires. An SV is gifted in befriending everyone especially the elite/upper echelon elite CS and serve as their willing “eyes and ears”. An animated story-teller, an SV can turn a boring event into a fantabulous (!) one with adlibs and often times, convoluted account of the said event that strategically puts their threat in a bad light.

A seasoned SV can easily make an issue and tickle your imagination (Think: DA WHO series of Startalk…) .

2. Celebrity Vampire (CeV)

This is the selfish type of corporate vampires. A CeV is adept in promoting oneself to the elite/upper echelon elite CS by taking the credit alone for a job well done even if it is a group effort and quickly blaming others, otherwise. Behind their backs, of course.

A veteran CeV would not allow anyone to outshine ones accomplishments so this CeV is always equipped with a counter-success story (Think: Wala ka sa lolo/lola ko hirit…)

3. Hybrid Vampire (HV)

This type is the most talented and revered among the corporate vampires. Every CoV aspires to be one as HVs are THE upper echelon CoVs. A certified HV must possess the qualities of both SV and CeV.

With the ever-changing complexity of a corporate set-up, certainly, new breed of vampires arise even as you read this piece.

PhDable and World-class

To be potentially world-class implies you have to be at least PhDable. The converse is not necessarily true. Technically, a necessary but not sufficient condition to be a PhDable is to be accepted in the doctoral program of the (Math) department (of UPD).

There are 3 types of PhDables :

You are PhDable if you have a teaching load of 10-15 units, academic load of 6-12 units, rakets even during weekends, and friends who have complete notes (including past problem sets with solutions) in the graduate subjects you are enrolled in every semester.

You are definitely PhDable if you are PhDable and know how to properly use CLEARLY, TRIVIAL and OBVIOUS in any proof.

You are super PhDable if you are definitely PhDable and have the convincing power to :
a. extend a problem set due date,
b. postpone the date of an exam, and/or
c. change a sit-down exam into a take-home exam!


Likewise, THE world-class consist of 3 types:

You are world-class if you’ve accomplished your PhD dissertation, especially your doctoral degree outside of the country on or before your 30th birthday.

You are definitely world-class if you are world-class and have published at least 2 articles in ISI publications at the time of your official graduation from the doctoral program.

You are super world-class if you are definitely world-class and recipient of “Pinakamahusay na Instructor, Assist/Assoc Professor o Professor”,“ Distinguished New (Young) Scientist of the Year”, “Best (Scientific) Publication of the Year” and/or other (academic-related)awards...

The super world-class who continue to publish in ISI publications at least once a year (or once in 2 yrs ?) belong to THE Power Group.

The Power Group can train you to be super PhDable, help you become world-class and eventually, one of them. It is easy to spot the members of the Power Group around the (Math) building. They are not intimidating and are very approachable (at least for me and my mafia) even for a stick of yosi. =)

However, being a super PhDable does not guarantee an ISI publication. You need to have the guidance of at least a definitely world-class be able to accomplish this. Some of these super PhDables refused to be world-class even if they can and they have the support of the (entire) Power Group.

Others simply cannot be world-class no matter how hard they've tried.

I am one of them…It is liberating to finally admit that I am officially part of the "others".

Buh-bye PhD.